Tuesday, December 11, 2007

History of Sandwichs

I've actually never really liked food. I only eat it because I kind of have to. Well, at least that's what I've sort been trained into doing. If I was brought into existence in a world by myself with no other people to influence me, I don't think I would decide to eat food.

I found these sandwiches that are in plastic boxes. Being a fan of the sandwich, I decided to try it out. It was labeled "BEEF" because of the sandwich's flavor. This was a pretty basic sandwich. Some lettuce, some tomato slices, a bunch a beef, no sauce, bread not grilled or soaked in eggs or anything. After getting home, I opened up the container and took a bite of it and put it away. I only need one bite of any food for taste testing purposes. I'm not some robot that needs to keep eating sandwiches from now until the end of time.

[BEEF Sandwich]

Monday, December 10, 2007

Holiday Meal

I usually leave about a minute on the microwave oven at all times. It helps in emergencies and it also looks like a clock.

Since it's holiday time, I'm going to share a traditional holiday meal. Get one meat from your deep freezer in your cellar. You might want to let it thaw out for a bit. Next, peel some garlic cloves and onions. Chop them and fry it in a pan until the onions are a dark brown. Dump all this into your flavor injector and pump it into the core of your meat. Now that you have proper seasonings, put the meat into the microwave oven, and turn the rotary dial to 5 minutes or until done. Enjoy a classic meal!

Friday, December 07, 2007

One Hundred Ten Photographs.

I always think on things I see in front of me. Usually this involves food, but today, I found myself standing in front of the Library. It’s been starting to snow more heavily lately, so I felt a desire to head inside. I felt a bit intimidated, or maybe I suspected that it would be trespassing to enter through the great main doors, so I decided to enter through the underground tunnel instead of the front doors. I always wondered how the world is like for not-main-entrance-building-enterers, and I felt like this kind of person today. Like a not-main-entrance-building-enterer, I emerged into the building through a stairway from the bottom, worrying if I would lose my sense of direction and become lost. What really concerned me at the time was that I didn’t have my altimeter with me. This could quickly turn into a disaster if I wasn’t careful.

Along the hall were numerous doors leading to what must be incredibly small rooms. I started to wonder what they all could be used for, but I had to continue forward. I came to what I think was the center of the building. A stairway on the south went up to the second floor, and a large room was visible through an arch with a front desk positioned in the middle and some shelves lining the walls. I climbed to the second floor and saw a very similar large room on the west. I headed through it and took a moment to skim some books. After this, I took the west exit and the corridor heading north. It felt like a museum with various pieces on display on tables along the walls. Reaching the north stairs, I climbed to the fourth floor. I noticed that there’s this weird door to the west, it looked really heavy compared to the rest of the library’s doors, so I entered and immediately felt as if I had just walked right into a basement. The walls became dark gray. I felt like if I were to examine them closely, I would be able to find water leaking down them onto the floor. Some rooms were quite large, but were divided by walls made of chain fencing, with steep stairways heading to sections filled with piles of cardboard boxes. I found a rusty metal elevator along the wall, so I decide to ride it down to ground level. Along the ride, one Bruno Cecilson joins me.

“What’s that I see you have there, brother?”
“Oh, it’s my Bialosky Fixed-Focus Camera.”
“You’re still using one of those? Don’t you find the images to be grainy?”
“I find, in the right hands, it can turn out better photos than some of the latest gigapixel models.”
“Could you do me a favor? When you leave, take a photograph of the loftcube I saw on the roof of this building. I’ve never been able to actually find my way up there.”

Outside once again, from the south, I held out my camera, and took two shots of the top of the library. I decided on one to put on the website and gave the other to Bruno.

music to accompany the internote: Kraftwerk – Die Roboter.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

~Some Chomps~

I was at the make-your-own-sandwich sandwich bar, trying to think of a new sandwich to make for myself. Normally, I’m used to having other people make my sandwiches for me, then slice them and handfeed it to me. Naturally, because of this, I was having difficulties constructing a sandwich for myself on the spot. I sort of hesitated, looking at the various ingredients, then starting to move away from them, then glancing back again, reconsidering. In the end, I really didn’t want to have to deal with another incident, so I went to the custom orders booth and placed an order for a premade box sandwich thing. It arrived shortly due to telekinesis. I brought it home with me, and proceeded to eat it. It was pleasing to me well. There was also a packet of some kind of wasabi sauce stuff, but I stuck my nose up at it. I only eat real wasabi.

[premade box sandwich thing]

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Cöoldude Production

Here's a classic recipe for my homemade Crab Magoos: First, you'll want to prepare the filling, so dump some cream cheese in a bowl, then mix it with sugar, and half and half. Then add in an egg white or something and beat it until you get peaks. That's when you know it's done. Next, you'll want some tasty dipping sauce, so fill a saucepan with water, then add sugar, heat and dissolve it, then add corn syrup, and pour in some orange liquour. It might crystalize or something, I dunno, so try not to mess up. Lastly, you'll want to make the dough for the crab magoos. I don't know how to do this step.

We had tickets to attend a live production of Still Here With the Wind. It was okay entertainment I guess, but not especially memorable. After it was finished, we exited the second floor balcony, and descended what must’ve been a hundred feet stairwell to the main hall. My friend wanted to climb out of the wooden box to exit to the second level parking lot, so we had to wait about fifteen minutes for him to get through since his body isn’t as flexible as he thought it was. We got in our minivan and drive off to the east side of the complex, and accidentally got on a road that is currently under maintenance. The road, made of hollow bone-shaped rocks, started sinking into the lake, while the construction worker present kindly shouted instructions at us, inquiring what we thought we were doing. Luckily our minivan was able to make the climb back onto normal road, so we were heading north now, and made a stop off at a friend of a friend’s, the home of Lars Cooldude. He wasn’t home at the moment, so we had to break the door down to get in. We took this moment to look around Lars’s place, it was pretty nice. He seemed to be a pretty big fan of high class entertainment. We spent a while looking around, admiring various pieces on display, but then we turned around to see that Lars Cooldude was not gone, but he was standing there, staring at us, a breeze blowing about his mid-length wavy blonde hair and a slightly crazy look in his eyes, but maybe only crazy in that he seems to be showing no emotion. I started to back away from him, and I ended up at a door leading to stairs going up. At first I climbed slowly, but before I knew what had happened, I was running up a tower made of iron stairs with no walls or outer railings, and Lars was trailing behind me while reciting lines from various plays. I reached the top of the tower, out of breath, and I realized that I still need to pick up my key from the key molder above the garbage dump.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

The Fjordian House of Self-Feeding Åctivity

I wonder what ever happened to my other jar of nutella.

I was in the Fjordian House of Self-Feeding Activity, enjoying the different foods available for use. I was chomping on some cream cheese based sauces, when I decided to take a look behind me. I saw a man with orange hair wearing a weird gray sweater with a gray square tessellation with squares all over. I turned back around again. The only person I could see now was the Master of the Hall watching us. I questioned the orange haired man, “Do you enjoy eating ridiculous things?”

“My food preferences are not exactly like yours. I am not from the Fjord.”

I was worried about this man being here now. I started to sweat. Something was not right. “Master of the Hall, who is this man? Why is he here?”

“He comes from a people that grow sweaters from the ground, then consume the sweaters for nourishment.”

My arms were shaking at this point. “Orange Haired Man. You do not belong here. This is not your home. Please go back to where you came from.” The room stayed silent and the man stayed where he was.