Thursday, November 15, 2007

ßelt System of Deception Island

I fill my plate with garlic shrimp, then go to the fountain and pour into my glass coconut shrimp. I eye out a table and go to sit down. Something catches my eye and I glance away momentarily, but when I return to my meal I find it mysteriously gone. I head off to refill my portions of shrimp, but I experience the same shrimp disappearance a second time. My eyes open and the room is still dark. I walk to the fridge and open it. I notice I have some shrimp. It is all starting to piece together now.

Having been traveling for many days, I finally arrived at Deception Island. With intent to make use of it's Interphased Time Warp Facilitator with Thorium fuel cells, I approached to be blocked by none other than the original member of the SGA - Brosepf Strongbottom.

~"You young folk of the current SGA, huh? You don't know the first thing about real class! Back in the day, we used to be truly classy at the association. I'll have you know some of our activities and shenanigans..."~

I zoned out and my mind began to wander into space, to the belt system, pondering the mystery of Beltman then returned to some awareness at a later time to hear part of Brosepf's story.

~" you? Maybe for some chocolate and marshmallow sandwiches. huh... Anyway, when I was thinking about food alot, I had to go watch Comrade X. Then I got all riled up and went into the basement and did arts and crafts. We ended up with a settlers of catan board game. It was pretty cool. What was not cool is that we only had 3 people and we needed 4 for that particular game. So the next day, we got all riled up again and did more arts and crafts. Anyway, we were all upset since the dvd player wasn't working so we ended up playing board games again. So then we went somewhere and watched Hercules: Unchained. Long story short, we got all riled up and cooked an old timey dinner. It was grand. Actually, I don't want to talk about it... well... I just opened up a can of pineapple slices and mandarin oranges...."~

Thinking of fruits like Pineapples, Mandarin Oranges, and Durian really took me back. The Fjord was such a peaceful place... but I came back to awareness of my surroundings once again and asked, "so that's it? Nice story, now pass me a brew-dog."

~"...huh? I'm not done with the story yet. The next part is that we got so riled up that the four of us stopped doing arts and crafts, and instead started power team reading novels. Then they discovered that I wasn't reading my part since I was busy looking at myself in the mirror and doing my hair all the time. They knew I was going too far when I had decieded that it was better to burn off hair than shave. They tried to stop me, but I had escaped. I ran down alleyways, collecting discarded bags of charcoal. I got two bags of the ones presoaked in lighter fluid, it was pretty sweet. I couldn't get a fire going though, since I don't have a Zippo, so they caught me and tried to bring me to the plasma tv, since they suspected that my problem was massive blood loss. I was behind on my required reading, there was only one choice: I had to read aloud chapter 6 of the US Army Survival Manual. This time, I got lucky and it was pretty short, it was just about edible plants and the universal plant edibility test. But I started looking at the pictures at the end and I realized something terribly important: I finally learned what to do with those weird things in my kitchen after seeing "bananas are edible". We were all pumped up then, so there was only one thing left to do: continue hunting for free stuff with the legendary rat pack. We couldn't complete the scavenger hunt for bike enthusiests, but we found a free ganglion. There was no reason to go back home yet as the drunk volleyball game wasn't over. Oh, it's ok though, they were playing volleyball right in front of their houses. They even had a permit for it. So we set out west to see how far we could get before turning back. But, there was a metal grating door in the way since we were too early and the journey west had to be cut short. Anyway, I had to separate from my buddies because I had to complete a personal quest of mine: to learn what is and how to make a french braid. I gave up though because I couldn't imagine a way to end a normal braid without it unraveling itself. I guess braids are just not a realistic thing after all. Having rejected the braid and then stopped believing in the comb, I had to search for my buddies again, but it would be difficult since they were already back at the SGA. The best way to locate them was to head to the center of town, since all roads lead to bones. On the way, I saw that crazy guy who's always everywhere - the man in the yellow questionmark suit. He started shouting his catchprase, but it was ineffective since there were no taxcollectors present. Then we all realized the true importance of the world: Belts in Space..."~

Having caught my attention, I had to speak up, "Wait! Belts in Space?! So that means you too... Hmph, no, it couldn't be. Is there a real point to this story?"

~"ok. maybe there wasn't a point... yet. Let me try to get to one. We sat at the city hall, and began weaving up a storm... of a quilt."~

Now, I knew he was being ridiculous. "I don't think you weave a quilt, Brrraaaahhhhhh."

~"And that's why you won't get the point. Anyway, we had to go to the street market because we needed extra phaser debris. Then there was a cave with a forest inside and a silver whistle with which one would summon Captain Nemo to fight the Communists. After that was over and done with, we split up because we couldn't deal with the smoldering meshes of ash and blood and death. Being emotionally spent, the best place to retire to was the mental hospital, but sadly, it was destructed some years ago, and was now a yard of various rocks, saltpillars, and stuff. To travel there, I had to use my prescient ability to see the correct road and aviod a nexus. Naturally, the best place to do this is in the back of a moving bus, so I tranced and entered the past. This was highly traumatic for me and I was trapped in 12 years ago. Shards of coloured glass were scattered about the floor. The only thing I knew to do was to collect them..."~

I sort of blacked out after this, and when I awoke again, Brosepf was not in sight.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

ßandwich βtory

I open my eyes after having lain down for a few moments. My vision is still blurry. I look at the clock, it reads 12:00, but as I stare for a few moments, I see 4:30. All of my chocolate milk has just expired.

I went to this one house, they were having some sort of party or something. But the line for food was really long. And there was this guy who apparently didn't want the food he took, so he was trying to pass off his plate to other people. What a jerk. Why would I want the food he took? And there was this ridiculously huge dinner roll on it too. It didn't look like a good one either. Looked really hard and stale. So anyway, they had beef sandwiches at the food table. I guess that's kind of what you have to expect at these things. Looking back, I should've dipped the dinner roll into the beef juice, that would've made everything all better. Only thing was though, I'm not sure I would have had the time or nerve to perform such a maneuver, especially with such stressful conditions. Looking into that bowl of beef in juice... it can really get intimidating. Everything almost stops moving, and it feels like I'm looking back on my life. All my previous beef sandwich experiences. Back in the day, I used to go to the shop and order the beef juice sandwich. It was a lot cheaper than the real thing, but you still get most of the good parts. The bread soaked in juice is really great, even without beef. I wish, I could be back there, but it no longer exists. I have to return to the reality set in front of me. I take the scoop and just place some beef into my bread, not bothering with the juice. I guess I couldn't handle having a juice heavy beef sandwich at the time. After I got back, I notice my sandwich is hard to eat, since it is kind of on the dry side. So anyway, overall, it was really boring, everyone just sat down at chairs placed around. And since there were no tables, it was awkward to handle the plate and the food you want to eat at the same time.