Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Anders geschmackt

Okay, I know you guys have been worried about your preorders of the cookbook, since you’ve already put money down for it, but I’m almost finished now, I swear. I’ve been busy writing, editing and doing minor touch-ups, and I’ve got the book cover art finalized. I feel confident that this is going to be my finest work yet.

I just got finished using the washroom, and after washing my hands, I first walked to the bacon dispenser. It was only blowing hot air today, so I stepped one down to the pizza dispenser and got myself a slice of sausage, mushroom and spinach, taking bites out of it as I strolled outside.

~No, it didn’t taste quite right yet. It needed to absorb more water still, but I could hardly contain myself. My mushroom pilaf risotto was nearing completion.~

Mm, for washroom pizza, it really hit the spot. I tossed the paper plate it came on into a trash can I passed by. It looked like some dust storms were up ahead, but then I realized I was in some sort of underground facility, and the ventilation shafts were in terrible shape – all orange and rusty-looking. I heard something approach, and I could only assume it was a robot, so I began frantically ripping open some couch cushions to be able to escape.

~I was starting to panic! I couldn’t have only a single dish at my dinner party. I dug around on some shelves for something else to cook up. Maybe I could use this cocoa powder I’ve had sitting around...? No, this wasn’t a time for food experiments, I’d just cook this package of noodles I found and be done with it, not forgetting to load the frying pan with extra butter, though.~

I crawled my way out, and during the process I had a flashback to my old days of exploring blanket caves with miniature flashlights and deviled egg spaceships. Things just ain’t the way they used to be. I was now in a bunker with other people standing around, doing some sort of study, but I had no time for this, so I ran outside while I felt my body change from its ridiculous state into a zombie state. I turned the corner and nearly bumped into a man.

~My guests had arrived! I sat them down, all proper-like, and slopped some risotto and noodles onto their plates. It was in honor of Bruno’s ex-birthday, so we were all ready for merry-making. Bruno asked me for a fruit smoothie, so I headed off to the kitchen and got out the bag of frozen fruits. I didn’t feel quite up to it, so I just grabbed a bowl and dumped in frozen fruit to taste, then gave it to him like that, sure he wouldn’t mind. I sat down just in time to hear one of my guests voicing a complaint about my noodle dish not being made with magic finger noodles. I looked his way to receive quite a shock when I recognized who it was.~

A man in a long double-breasted beige coat was looking at me. “I am Invorstigator Chompowitz, and I have a request to make of you.”
“No way, man! You’re freaking me out!”
“I thought you’d say as much. But I know your secret: you secretly smash up your food and spread it across your plate to make it appear as if you have eaten more than you actually have.”
“No way, man! You’re freaking me out!”
“Excellent. So you’ll be heading to the Nuclear Power Plant Museum then?”
“No way, man! You’re freaking me out!”

~I couldn’t believe my eyes! It was the Barley Chef! My excitement quickly changed however when I saw how he was handling his food – with all five fingers on his hand, not leaving any fingers clean just in case of an emergency. I don’t want unsanitary behaviours in my home so I kicked him out right there. Also because he insulted my noodles.~

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