The Lëgend of Speaker Mountain

The following takes place at (80)0929234537

The spirit of GalaxyBeltman reached out from the Belt-Pineapple Plushie and entered my mind and spoke as I meditated that night. "You must know your true purpose, the one that you will decide for yourself through your own free will of accepting of what I say as predetermined destiny! To be able to know Speaker Mountain, you must first know of the origins of Speaker Mountian and its past!"

Suddenly, I found myself away from the unpleasantness of my situation with the SGA, and was nearby the great Speaker Mountain. The mountain brought memories of my father to my mind and I recalled what I needed to know - the secret to the evil speaker corrupting the Mountain. I climbed on top of several speakers, including Infinity Reference Standard V's, Acapella Audio Arts, Acoustic Research AR-9s, and Ohm Walsh F original series. I took a moment to appreciate those since they cannot exist in the present. And finally I found it, the Bose speaker. I brushed the dust aside above the 'o' and discovered a sideways ':'!!! How secretly evil!

I woke up from my meditation having learned the terrible secret. Too afraid to do anything, I stared into the sky all night, shivering, trying to think of more peaceful times back at the fjord....

Important Meëting at Gentlemen's Association

Some of the times and dates when events are taking place are a little ridiculous, so because of this I thought I'd tell you all about my personal feelings and emotions regarding what I figure to be accurate accounts of frue events that will teach people how to live their lives better through studying ancient culture.

Making the journey to Speaker Mountain is very tough, and might take all night and day, so first I decided to stop by my local Strongbottom's Gentlemen's Association. There is always plenty of activity there, such as lifting of large triangular weights. I was about to go and see Strongbottom to get enlightenment about the journey, but I was distracted by the sauna room. I just couldn't resist the idea of a relaxing sauna with gentlemen. I discussed business, politics, beards, and manly affairs with Bruce, Mortimer, Matsam, Bruno, Lance, Julian, and Chuck. Afterwards, we all went out, drank each thirty-eight quarts of beer and ate eight pounds of salted pork. I had to sneak out early so I could eat my Shigekikkusu Jet Mega IQ Sour Gummi. I couldn't let the guys see me eating those as it's not all so manly of a thing to eat. I was feeling all pumped up, so I put on four belts, three about my waist and one on my arm, and went to see the Strongbottom of our Association. He spoke, "I know what you have been doing secretly! Shigekikkusu Jet Mega IQ Sour Gummi! For shame!" I thought, "But...! How...?!" And he knew my thoughts and explained, "Have you forgotten? The watchful muscular eye of Steve Reeves sees all! You have brought shame on yourself! Come back when you once again realize the true way of the Gentleman!" I was feeling pretty down at this point, so I headed back home and meditated about what I had gotten myself into. I had thought that the Gentlemans' Association would have made getting to Speaker Mountain a shoo-in, but there is something else important that I must first learn. I stared at my Belt-Pineapple Plushie and my mind once again wandered into space. What would the great Belt-Man do?

Zero Invörstigation

I don't have any more food stories at the moment, so here is a traditional story about Souffle Fjord.

Indignation! Well, as I say, call me steak and stick a fork in me, because I'm on the lime gelatine. I think that about sums up that issue. Here is progress on... my journey to speaker mountain. I got up early, put on a belt, then put on two more belts, then I stopped and started thinking about space for the rest of the day. I'll have to try to go there again tomorrow as today was... well, I can't say it was a total failure since I did spend a lot of time thinking about space. I also have to figure out solutions to my beard dilemma. That is, the lemma of the beard being there, and the lemma of the beard not being there.

[Director's Cut]

Food Experiment

I've had Cheez-It and Cheese Nip crackers, but I've never really examined the properties of each that make them unique.  After having tasted both kinds of cheese crackers within a short span of time, I believe that Cheez-It has a much more X-TREME cheese flavor, while Cheese Nip is better at being much more toned down and cracker flavored.  Cheese Nips also seem to have burn spots strewn.

I wasn't satisfied with these results so far, so I decided to use more rational methods to reach my answer: I invoked the scientific method to my cause.  This of course meant that I would be performing a food experiment.  I then went to work on assembling a sandwich using the two kinds of crackers...

[Food Experiment Setup]
[sandwich in detail]

Conclusion: I can make a ridiculous mini-sandwich out of Cheez-It and Cheese Nip crackers.

Sandwich Idea

For exciting times, follow this formula (note that this is not for a souffle, and not for cooking a steak either):
Have two crackers, either saltine or graham work fine.  Probably just about anything will work fine.  Spread peanut butter/nutella on one  side and fluff/jelly on the other.  Combine.

[Sandwich Result]