Tasty Food

"Rib-eye is a great cut of meat."

I was in the mood for some chomps and found myself heading over to the store. I eyed out the steaks I wanted, then looked for the margarine. I relly need some margarine. It's important. There was none on the refrigerated sections or near the butter, so I went on looking on the other shelves. I couldn't find it near the oils, but I got distracted and started looking for grape seed oil and chocolate marshmallows, neither of which were present either. Thinking about the status of margarine, I recalled that it is a synthetic material constructed out of plastics and has been declared a biohazard, so I took my search further into the aisle with bleach. Still, no sign of it. I called it quits and picked up the steaks with some other stuff and left.

I don't know if you know this about me, but I am a master griller. I am the best at applying heat to steaks through use of grill machinery. After dumping on steak rub and grilling, I let it rest for a few minutes, not because I thought it was a good idea, but because I needed a short break before eating them. Briefly, the idea crossed my mind to heat up some potatoes or maybe broccoli, but I may have just now made up that I thought of it for story and character development purposes.

[Here's the Food]

Sandwich Test

I like combining things like mustard and cheese, so I did that along with chicken and cock sauce on a small tortilla. I was thinking about adding lettuce or a vegetable but then I came to my senses and decided not to make it taste bad on purpose.

[Half-eaten Sandwich]

Idea Sprouts

I've been getting a lot of mail from readers lately, concerned about a lack of food being eaten. The truth is that I have been eating food, but there has been a terrible accident: I was developing my instant film in a darkroom and I messed up, ruining all the pictures. I managed to save one though by throwing my body in front of it.

[Food Picture]

I probably could tell you about some of the food since I don't have pictures, but I can't because revealing my methods and procedures would get me kicked out of the secret cooks organization.

Also, I'm thinking to expand and have more fun internotes, which would include exciting true stories, food experiments, videos of me being cool and playing the guitar, contests with prizes for readers, and supercool hand-drawn pictures. So yeah.

A Meatball Sandwich

I don't have anything to say about this one.

[The Sandwich]

(note: it's smoked mozzarella and sharp cheddar)

Mothers Brownies

Don't worry, everything's gonna be all right. Shush, just look at me. I'll make you some of Mother's Brownies.

I actually baked this bath(sick(sic)) of brownies about a week or so ago, but forgot to internote it. I used Baker's baking chocolate, which has the recipe written on the back of the box. If you look at the front of the box, next to the name, the picture looks like a mother holding a tray of brownies. This image is also imprinted upon each piece of chocolate inside.

1.5 sticks of butter
4 blocks of unsweetened baking chocolate
2 cups normal sugar
3 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup flour

Melt the butter and chocolate, then combine them and toss in the other stuff in order. When it's together, dump into a 13x9 inch baking pan (I lined it with parchment paper) and bake it at 350F for 30 to 35 minutes. Oh yeah, the oven should probably be preheated first. That's important. When enough time has passed, take the back end of a match and poke a hole in the brownies. If it comes out clean, they should be done, so you can then strike the match as a sign of victory.

[Mother's Brownies]

These things taste pretty great, and you should eat them. Some people say brownies should cool first, but they don't know what they're talking about. Take advantage by putting the still hot brownies on a plate and then a nice scoop of vanilla ice cream next to it.

(note: me calling these Mother's Brownies and the image looking like a mother are completely unrelated)

Troy Chocolate Cake

I got a huge amount of fanmail recently about the Crispy Mister Sandwich in regard to the contest I set up. They were all mostly good attempts at the sandwich, but I think this one stood out as the best. Congratulations to the winner; you will be receiving a package of stickers in the mail along with a jam rock music cd! (note: contest void in canada)

I know I said the previous chocolate cake I made was the chocolate cake that would make all other cakes obsolete, but I like eating cake so I made this cake recipe provided by Anna of CookieMadness: Troy Chocolate Cake.

~A long time ago I made a childhood promise about cakes. Arbitrary childhood promises are the kinds of things that really define your character. For example, the classic “never change”. I however made vowed never to bake a cake again after a horrible tragedy occurred. I had baked a wonderful cake mix cake for some friends, and brought it over to one of their houses so everyone could enjoy. Unfortunately, the four sticks of butter involved in this small cake was too much, instantly killing my best friend upon impact with his mouth. Never again would I allow such a thing to happen.*~

The Troy Chocolate Cake is different in that it doesn’t involve butter in the batter. It is a cake of healing. Instead it has a bunch of mayonnaise, something you may remember from the tuna melt sandwich recipe, so it’s certain to be a success. I began working on the initial steps of mixing things together in bowls. At first, I thought to just use a cereal bowl, but using my keen powers of foresight, I recalled that the ingredients listed would not fit, so I opted for a larger metal bowl. I saw in the corner of my eye some sort of automatic electrical mixing machine, but I decided not to call upon higher powers to assist me just yet. I was getting exhausted at this point; it was time for a break. I indulged in some Breyers ice cream. Mmm, smooth and creamy.

[Mixing Things]

I took out some parchment paper to line the pan and pressed it in to fit, but it popped back up, refusing to give in. I was about to have a mental breakdown here, but I decided to pour the batter in anyway, and it turns out everything worked out fine.

[Ready for Baking]

I put it in the oven at 325 for 35 minutes, then got started on the icing. I spent time sifting the confectioners sugar which I’m sure I completely ruined the point of sifting it in the first place when I just dumped all the ingredients together at the same time and was determined to mix by hand with a spoon. The cake finished as I was about done with the icing.

[Icing]
[Cake and Icing]

The icing was kind of lumpy, but I really don’t mind. The end result is a tasty cake.

[Icinged Cake]

*Exciting True Stories may or may not be exciting or true.

Crispy Mister Sandwich

It was nightlunch time, so I went into the kitchen as normal procedure. Looking through some cabinets, I decided that I would do something with nutella. Spreading it on bread might be good. Maybe if the bread was coated in lard and fried it might be better. Frying bread was an idea I liked, but I couldn’t fit the nutella into it without being a real europoofter so I decided to go into a sandwich route. Cheese and meat is good, so I got some provolone cheese and sliced ham ready. This sandwich was looking like it might be kind of [large fancy colourful ‘L’]ame at this point, mostly because of the bread, so I cracked some eggs (you may remember I am the best at cracking eggs), mixed them with a fork and combined them with two slices.

[Sandwich Preparation]

Luckily there was just enough for all of the eggs to be absorbed fully. I didn’t know how to get this from my eggy bowl to the frying pan, so I thought to put them on a paper towel at first, but then I just brought the pan over to the table with all my cooking organization. I would put the paper towels I got ready to use later. My plan for the sandwich was to have the cheese on the outsides of the ham, so they would get melty better. It is always important to have the meal fully planned out. After layering one slice of egg-soaked bread in the pan with cheese, I put on a bunch of slices of ham.

[Sandwich Construction]

During this, I kept reassuring myself that I’ve had a previous experience with this, and I feel it would be in my best interest to add more meat than I think I need. On top of the ham, another layer of cheese, then the second bread slice. It was time for cooking process, and everything was going fine until I decided it was important that I flip the sandwich over a lot to check how it’s cooking.

[Sandwich Cooking]

The first flip was a disaster; cheese was falling out, one slice of bread slid halfway off from all the contents, and it may have been my imagination, but I thought I tore the bread in half. And while trying to fix it, I managed to burn two of my fingers from direct contact with the pan.

[Sandwich Cooking]

Realizing I forgot about buttering the pan, I snuck in some butter while lifting the sandwich up since butter is a secret ingredient. I let it cook for a while though and it was looking all right again.

[Sandwich Cooking]

When the sandwich was finished, I determined that it was overall a great success! The bread had that great french toast taste to it, the cheese was all melty and delicious, and the ham was meaty. Actually, I think the ham was way too sweet for the sandwich. I would maybe want a meat that’s completely meaty without the overwhelming sweetness for next time.

[Sandwich]